On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
