Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
