haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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