Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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