drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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