If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
