My balls are so social today.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
