i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
