Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
