No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize