dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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