So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
