Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
