In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
