Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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