Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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