my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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