Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
