I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
