I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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