she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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