Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
