My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
