You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
