Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
