We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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