Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
