if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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