Soap is not a condiment
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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