Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
