we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
