I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
