You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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