I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
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Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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