Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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