Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
