It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
false alarm, still single
Randomize
