I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
