Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
