Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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