ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
