he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
