So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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