We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
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I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
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I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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