I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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