Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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