Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
