So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
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Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
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I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I believe in your delicious
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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