i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
