bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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