Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
