You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
