I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
A+ Viking dick
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
