I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
