Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
