grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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