I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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