Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
