Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
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It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
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I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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