Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
