the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
