hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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