i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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