I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
you never un-have a 4some
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
