she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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