I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
