I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
