Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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