Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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