I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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