My liver just broke up with me...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
