I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
