we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
