uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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