My Higher Power is John Stamos
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
