Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
