you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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