You're so nebulous sometimes
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
