u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
