I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
