he thought i was a dude.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.