Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
