Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
